Summer in Bloom

Summer here in San Diego has been lovely. We've had some pretty hot days, but the heat doesn't bother me at all. I love the way the heat weighs and slows everyone down. That's what summer's all about if you ask me. I've been enjoying my time off, lazily listening to music, reading, taking the dogs on evening walks and musing in my own thoughts. 

If you didn't already know, I work at a plant nursery. One of the best things about working at a nursery is getting first dibs on some of the most stunning plants as they arrive. Since I started working at the nursery, I've been yearning for a house with a yard desperately. We just signed another years lease at our current place so a house isn't in our future just yet. In the meantime, I've been keeping up nicely with my little patio garden. Here's some pictures I took this morning of summer's flora at casa de Toni. Botanical names listed below each plant. Enjoy!

Dahlia 'Mystic Dreamer'

Echeveria hybrid

Pelargonium 'George Marston' 

Sedum dasyphullum 'Major'

Tradescantia spathacea 'Tricolor'

Aeonium 'Irish Bouquet'

Gasteria hybrid

30 Reasons I'm glad to be 30: Part 3

Whew, this list was hard! In the weeks before my birthday, I had so many thoughts for this list just floating around in my head and I was sure that I had at least 30. Not so. While I was half way through reasons 11-20, I realized I was pretty much dry and I had to conjure up the rest of the list on the spot. So, here's reasons 21 through 30 and I apologize if some of these reasons seem a little redundant. I felt that it was my personal responsibility to follow through with this and get to 30 reasons, no matter what.

21. My appreciation for nature has deepened. I suppose this is just something that with age, naturally happens to a nature lover. Any opportunity I get, I want to be outside and observe the world. It is so important to me. I feel that being in nature recharges me somehow. Like the only way I can function at maximum efficiency is if I spend time away from the city, and in nature, at least a few times a week.

22. I'm much happier with my body now, then when I was younger. Sure, while I was in my early 20's I was almost 10 pounds slimmer and I hardly had to put in any effort to maintain my naturally thin figure. Yet, I couldn't see past any of the small flaws that I perceived (imagined or real) and I never felt anything near the confidence I feel now. I'm perfectly content now, knowing that my body is healthy and my weight is right where it should be.

23. I've learned that the only person's opinion about me that truly matters, is mine. Too many times in my youth, I've let the opinions of others impact me. In the last few years or so, I've realized that I can't be true to myself if I care too much about someone else's opinion of me.

24. I refuse to accept, or invite, anything negative into my life. I've realized that I have a choice in what I allow in my life. Negative energy is something I am wise enough to know not to tolerate anymore. I feel that it is an obligation to myself to either remove negative energy from my life, or remove myself from it. Without remorse.

25. I can laugh at the ridiculous things from my youth that I still haven't gotten over. Like the simple fact that I'm still a little afraid of the dark and I make Josh turn out the lights before bed after I'm already in bed with the TV on for a nightlight. Or that I still love Barbie and can't pass by the Barbie isle at Target without taking a minute to look at all the new dolls and imagine which ones I would pick out if I were still a little girl. I don't think I'll ever really "grow up" entirely and I don't think anyone ever does... nor should.

26. I'm truly grateful that I've never been materialistic. While I do enjoy having nice things, I do not depend on them to define who I am. Living in southern California, materialism seems to be a lifestyle for many people. In these people, there's no art, no depth, just "I'm elevated because I wear this brand and drive this car." This attitude is prominent where I live and I feel immensely grateful that it has never penetrated through to me. 

27. I know to trust my intuition. So many times I've ignored my intuition, only to discover later on that the deep feeling inside of my head and heart was right. I've learned that as ridiculous and illogical as it seems to make judgements on things based merely on a feeling, I usually end up making the right decisions this way and to ignore these feelings is to deny my very essence. 

28. I am so happy that I never followed through with any of my desires to get a tattoo. Don't get me wrong, I love tattoos. A lot of my friends have beautiful and meaningful tattoos. I just don't think I'm a tattoo type of gal. I'm pretty sure that if I had followed through in getting any of the tattoos I wanted in my youth, I would have totally regretted it now.

29. I'm beyond grateful to have my two sweet doggies, Lily and Misha. Before Josh and I adopted these little girls, I didn't know I was capable of loving something so much. They are always there for me and always in tune with my moods. They are the closest things to angels I've ever encountered and I couldn't imagine that my life would be nearly as great without them.

30. I'm happy to be 30 because I'm happy with my life! Sure, I have bad days, sometimes I get a little melancholy for no reason and my marriage isn't always as perfect as I'd like it to be, but overall I am happy to have the life I do. I'm glad that I've lived to be 30 and I've been fortunate enough to live on such a beautiful planet and to have the many lovely people (and pets) in my life.

Happy Birthday to all of my fellow Cancers!

Love Toni

A Dress to Want

I wish I could say I need this dress from Anthro. But I don't need it, I just want it. I want it desperately. Perhaps on payday I will just try it on and see how it fits, with no intention of course of actually spending almost $250 on a dress with no special place to wear it to. We shall see...

30 Reasons I'm glad to be 30: Part 2

My birthday itself was a lovely day. Josh and I spent all morning decorating our place and then we went out to dinner with my family. We came home and had the most decadent cupcakes from Stephanie's Bakery (passion vanilla cake with raspberry filling, buttercream icing and fresh raspberries on top, all vegan of course!), Sofia champagne and homemade bruschetta with heirloom tomatoes and fresh herbs. I've received some fantastic gifts, but most of all I've really just enjoyed spending time with all of the people I love the most in my life.

Here's 11-20 of 30 Reasons I'm glad to be 30.

11. I'm wise enough to know that I'm still naive. In other words, I know enough to know that I still don't know enough, haha. I will always be open to learning new things and I'm certainly not so egocentric to think that I know everything.

12. I've embraced my introversion. I've always been an introvert. I specifically remember when I was in elementary school and the other kids were playing together at recess, I was happily sitting alone under a tree reading (most likely a faerie tale). It's not that I didn't have friends or didn't enjoy playing with them, I was just happier being somewhere with my own imagination. This introversion is sometimes thought of by others as me being anti-social, that something must be wrong with me. Some people are introverts, some are extroverts. I am an introvert and I'm happy to be one, thank you very much!

13. I'm too old for mini skirts, thank goodness. I've always dressed a little "reserved" and mini skirts (a wardrobe staple for California girls in their 20's) kind of look ridiculous to me most of the time. Now that I'm 30, my knee length skirts and dresses simply look appropriate for my age instead of reserved.

14. I'm happy not having children. Sure I may be 30 and married and the conventional thing to do now would be to have children. However, I'm not ready to have kids yet and I hardly think mere age and marital status is a good reason to procreate. I'm still finding my way in the world and having a child is something I'm still not ready for. When, and if, the time is right I'll know, but the time's not right yet... Mom and Dad.

15. While I may not yet have a house, I know I'm on my way. I want nothing more right now than to have my own little house with hardwood floors and a sweet little yard where I can grow my own food and Lily and Misha can run around. I can finally see this in the near future and when the day comes, I'll simply explode with joy. Old dirt road... mushaboom, mushaboom.

16. I've learned how to see and appreciate unconventional beauty. It's no secret that the media bombards us with images of unattainable (and digitally altered) perfection as the standard of beauty. As a teenage girl I, and most others, was very susceptible to this. I have learned that there is no true standard of beauty. It's all about perception and if we open our minds to all kinds of beauty we can easily see beauty everywhere.

17. I've overcome a lot of my shyness. Oh my, when I was younger I was so very shy. I had a hard time asking for help from strangers without fumbling over my words. I guess shyness is something that simply fades with age because I never made a conscious effort to improve, it just happened, thankfully.

18. I couldn't be more pleased with my matured taste-buds. When I was younger, there were certain foods which I now love that I just couldn't stand such as onions, pickles, olives etc. I don't know when it happened, but I now love all of these and I can't even think of any foods that I don't like. With the exception of meat, dairy, eggs and other non-vegan foods.

19. I am on my way to learning time management. Anyone who knows me knows that I am always late, to almost everything. Well, I've got news for all of you. I've been on time more and more often. I'm not going to say anymore on the matter, just in case these words come back to haunt me one day when I'm running a half hour late.

20. I can make a garden anywhere. As you know from number 15, I don't live in a house. I live in a condo on the second floor and my only space for gardening is a 20' x 8' patio, yet I have turned this small space into my own sweet little garden with a bistro table, garden lights and potted plants galore. I have houseplants and orchids a'plenty growing inside and I know, a true gardener can find space to garden anywhere.

Bright Star

Only two films have ever made me sob, not cry, but sob. Bright Star, which I got for my birthday, is one of them. The film is visually stunning and the love story of poet John Keats and his muse Fanny Brawne is truly the most romantic. I've had poetic thoughts and goosebumps in waves ever since I finished watching the movie. 

The other film that makes me sob is Disney's The Fox and the Hound, which I can't even watch very often because even after the film is over I'm still a blubbering mess.

*Part two of my 30 reasons I'm glad to be 30 coming soon.

30 Reasons I'm glad to be 30

I know I know, I haven't posted in, ahem, quite a while. I've honestly been insanely busy and the time and energy it takes into writing a new blog post has been occupied by other daily activities. So here I am the day after my 30th Birthday. It feels strange. Usually I don't feel any different on or after my birthday but I definitely feel like a cosmic change has occurred this time. I've been thinking a lot lately about my life and the things I'm grateful for. While doing this, I've compiled this list (in no particular order) of 30 reasons I'm glad to be 30. I will post 10 reasons at a time as not to bombard you all.

1. I'm just plain happy to be done with my 20's. A lot of that strange confusion and angst about the world that I felt as a teenager seemed to linger into my 20's and I've finally started to find my own way in the world.

2. My marriage. I have an amazingly sweet and caring husband and I don't think I would be the person I am today without him. He accepts my flaws and has taught me to accept them in myself. He is my rock, shoulder to cry on, hero of any emergency I've ever had (real & over dramatized), best friend, baker of sweets, bearer of unexpected flowers, and the most generous spirit I've ever encountered.

3. I have learned to accept all of my mistakes and if I had the chance to do anything over again, I certainly wouldn't do anything different. We all make mistakes. We all do things that  embarrass ourselves. We all put our foot in our mouths without thinking and say things that hurt peoples feelings. I've learned to have the same forgiveness for myself in these instances that I usually extend to other people. All of my mistakes have taught me valuable lessons that I might not have ever learned without them.

4. As a woman, I'm lucky that I've developed my own personal style. I know how I like my hair and makeup. I know what dress shapes and colors look flattering on me. I know how to decorate my home in a way that makes it feel like my own sanctuary. Being artistically inclined, I would feel suffocated by someone else's ideas of style and so finding my own style has kept me somewhat sane in a way. Or at least not completely insane.

5. I'm so over being cool. Whether we want to admit this to ourselves or not, we have all been guilty of trying to be cool. Of not doing something we really wanted to, not wearing something we like, simply because it's not cool. I'm a nerd and I like being nerdy and I'm over being cool.

6. I know where I stand ethically. It has taken me a few years to develop strong and informed ethical opinions about the world dealing with politics, religion, feminism, animal rights, human and civil rights, and the environment and I am confident that I have made the right ethical choices for my own life.

7. I've learned how to eat healthily. For so many years I was terrified of gaining any extra weight that I deprived myself of eating certain foods. This became terribly unhealthy for me and caused me to obsess about ridiculous things unnecessarily. I am now completely content with my body and I know how to eat in a way that provides my body all the nutrition I need without depriving me of anything.

8. I've embraced my sensitivity. Ever since I can remember I was told not to be so sensitive. I am comfortable being sensitive and I've said this before, but I would much rather be too sensitive than insensitive. I think there is a lack of sensitivity amongst society and I'm proud to be a misfit in this area.

9. I'm glad I've finally found my calling in life. I'm happy to be in school, knowing that I'll be doing what I truly love when I'm done. My decision to become a botanical illustrator feeds my passion for art and my love of science and nature. I may be older than most college students, but I'm certain that I've found what I am best at and I might not have discovered this if I went to college right out of high school.

10. While I may not have a huge group of friends anymore, like I did when I was younger, the friends that I do have are amazing beautiful people whom I love and truly cherish.